Two blows & indeed, it shattered.

If one would ask me to explain my life in one word, "irony" it is.

In this same time, two sides of my family (mom-dad's) are reuniting here in PJ, mainly from Australia - which is an ultra rare occasion. I'll be seeing my uncles, aunties, cousins from both sides within this short period of time. Both occured for the same reason: my grandma(s). Except, one's to commemorate her 80th birthday, one's to attend her funeral. Both would be taking place at the same day. It just happens.

One of my grandma has left us this early morning. All I can say is, I apologise for not being a good granddaughter; I was never been one to you. Yearsss ago I'd always thought you love teasing me (yeah I'm the youngest & most worthless), giving me frozen, expired chocolates fresh from the fridge whenever I come over, etc., but in the end, you're still my grandma. And what I had mention are only memories now. I'll try harder not to be a worthless granddaughter, I've been trying to. May you rest in peace. All I could do during the first day of funeral today was staring blankly at your photo. I didn't have the courage to walk forward & see you & tell you that I am here, I am afraid I might break when I do.

On another matter, I know some of you guys has been reading or maybe just scrolling through my blog posts. Well just admit it you guys, you're not interested with my daily happenings or what I generally thinks about the ants I just stepped on - except for anything regarding this person we knew. I don't blame your curiosity. Even though I knew how deceiving this person is from the beginning, I've gotta admit I grew fond of him. I'm a mouse who goes for the cheese knowingly it's a trap surrounding it. It's foolish. I couldn't answer specifically WHY and HOW, and frankly, that kinda question is getting silly IMO (lol, a silly question to ask a foolish human, quite a match ya?)

Your natural way of talking just basically shows the intent & the way you've been taking my trust as. Your words, concerns & actions, was it all your natural way of talking as well? By forced courtesy? My thoughts here, it should be entertaining for you. I thank you but I'm not flattered. It might be so because I'm the girl with a blog. Oooh let's see what she blogs about me. Be amused, drama's here. Another thing is, you know how terribly serious I take what people see about what I draw. I don't need to reiterate how sadden I am. My effort & happiness just seems like an entire joke for real now, by just how natural the way you talk. My trust for naught.

In the end, you're not entirely to blame for. It is I who failed to take things with an open mind. Though as I said, I am willing to listen as long you're willing to tell. And I'd take your word for it. I am a simple-minded person afterall. I don't enjoy the act of poking questions. I don't enjoy the feeling of not knowing. I don't enjoy the act of suspicion. I am a person who've been cheated once for my 'simple-minded ness'. Therefore I am paranoid at times. Cheated twice, I am a fool myself. INDEED I AM YES? I smile at my own naivety.