Monday, August 31, 2009

Merdeka. District 9

Despite some people are saying.. why celebrate Merdeka when democracy is dead. Ah phooey, it's a 3 days holiday this weekend so stop being politically emo & just celebrate it already! HAPPY 52nd BIRTHDAY, MALAYSIA!

Though yours truly is spending the moment as how she usually pass her weekends at home, either on her bed reading/sleeping or in front of the PC drawing/watching vids/reading random stuff online.

I was too bored... & too reluctant to start sketching on a storyboard for submission.

District 9

My first impression before I actually saw the movie was – NieA_7. Too lazy to explain why.
The idea of this movie was discrimination against aliens who took refuge on earth. Prolly it’s about time someone does a reverse plot of the usual aliens invading earth by attacking/eating/infecting/experimenting humans. District 9 is the other way round; yes even eating aliens.
What I’m most fond of this movie is the depiction of the main human protagonist, Wikus from an ordinary, hopeful, working husband into a deranged, infected survivor against his own organization. This transition simultaneously conveys Wikus’ anguish & dismay of what’s happening to him. I hated him for his egocentric & prejudiced personality throughout the show, & yet I wouldn’t want this character to fail. Sure, that scene where he turned back for Christopher & asked him to run ahead were cheesy & cliché somewhat, but IMO it’s all done in a splendid outcome. And what’s the other best thing about this movie? All hateable evil villains gets what they deserved
(the ‘watermelon burst’ effects are exciting yes?)

It's that feeling again, broken & lost for words. I didn't mean to be accusive nor skeptical. Yes, I don't understand. Yes, I couldn't handle. Yes, you're damn right. Because I'm like a one-sided wing that keeps flying in circles on the ground - I guess that's how things are between us.

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Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Needs to vent.

Because I doubt anyone would be pleased to listen or read what I have to vomit. Basically I am having this immense mixed up feelings of disappointment, hate, anger, confused, moronic, & dissatisfaction. Yes you guessed it, this is a hate(sort of) post. Why isn't Friday coming any sooner.

Alas, after FOUR (5 to be exact) friggin' months finally there's a confirmation letter. Probation should've ended by mid February, though I have no fucking idea with the extra months for a confirmation. Did they mean they've extended my probation to 10 months? 'Cos of my punctuality? My inability to produce decent design? If it's so, why wasn't there any notice? This just simply doesn't justify the increment from July onwards. SO WHAT ABOUT THE PAST 4 MONTHS' PAY? Just forget about it?? Clientele complications is NONE of my beeswax.

I did not expect I'd reach this point of time again so soon, where I'm pondering about the work I do. Am I happy. Am I satisfied. Am I eager to continue on like this. The answer is NO. If so, what am I gonna do about it. What am I gonna do to change these negativities into something more positive. What are my alternate options. What other things I can do, but I've yet to try. I do admit I am very lucky that I only have minor financial commitments.

Bottomline, I'm still not happy with what I do. I can't see myself doing this for the next five years, I don't see any prospect in it, I don't see any sort of achievement that I'm seeking, and deep down, I'm not a big fan of artsy design. I'm planning to rekindle my passion for drawing again once more, IF it goes through for the first time, cool! I guess it's just whether am I willing to take the initiative & heart in doing it in the first place. Failure for once or twice or bajillion times isn't an excuse to run away from it.

In DMC (yes, this kuso anime), I find Negishi putting up courage singing his fav song by the streets with his guitar while being ignored by the passers-by is something to look up to. Funny, silly awful, & fictional, but at least he has the guts to do something he loves & feel happy about it. So tell that to myself *failure*

Yesterday I interrogated someone in a wrongful way based on an assumption. I realised my mistake later on. And it hurts the most when the anger I felt is developed towards myself. Nothing can be done, except being apologetic, & thinking what an ass I am. And there I was calling people an ass. I shall dig a hole and hide in.

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Tuesday, July 07, 2009

No need for words

Thoughts that can't be conveyed through words; yeah why not just plug in & listen then. Simple. WRONG! Reality doesn't work that way! *throws in pessimistic vibes like a villain*

It's what I ended up doing by looping Fyrsta (Sigur Rós) - I had to mention that the opening of this track is Silent Hill-ish, but in an instant later it drops in a serenely tune ♥ Both are meant to be males, but somehow.. well, I dunno, they turned feminine as I progress through this.... (in other words, I failed) Pardon my lack of better ideas & creativity, it's another attempt to draw something out, at least. My capability is seriously getting rustier from being already rusted bajillion years agoooo. Shame on me.

Ever since the Cameron trip, I've been so restless. Does it have anything to do with it in the first place anyway..? =_= I love my bed. Wanted to rant about the movies I've seen recently & some random thoughts that I (as usual) failed to speak out clearly, etc. maybe I should read more books with only words instead of pictures to improve my vocabulary <--- not making any sense. YARGH. It means it's time for bed... *crawls to lovely comfy bed*

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Thursday, June 25, 2009

Two blows & indeed, it shattered.

If one would ask me to explain my life in one word, "irony" it is.

In this same time, two sides of my family (mom-dad's) are reuniting here in PJ, mainly from Australia - which is an ultra rare occasion. I'll be seeing my uncles, aunties, cousins from both sides within this short period of time. Both occured for the same reason: my grandma(s). Except, one's to commemorate her 80th birthday, one's to attend her funeral. Both would be taking place at the same day. It just happens.

One of my grandma has left us this early morning. All I can say is, I apologise for not being a good granddaughter; I was never been one to you. Yearsss ago I'd always thought you love teasing me (yeah I'm the youngest & most worthless), giving me frozen, expired chocolates fresh from the fridge whenever I come over, etc., but in the end, you're still my grandma. And what I had mention are only memories now. I'll try harder not to be a worthless granddaughter, I've been trying to. May you rest in peace. All I could do during the first day of funeral today was staring blankly at your photo. I didn't have the courage to walk forward & see you & tell you that I am here, I am afraid I might break when I do.

On another matter, I know some of you guys has been reading or maybe just scrolling through my blog posts. Well just admit it you guys, you're not interested with my daily happenings or what I generally thinks about the ants I just stepped on - except for anything regarding this person we knew. I don't blame your curiosity. Even though I knew how deceiving this person is from the beginning, I've gotta admit I grew fond of him. I'm a mouse who goes for the cheese knowingly it's a trap surrounding it. It's foolish. I couldn't answer specifically WHY and HOW, and frankly, that kinda question is getting silly IMO (lol, a silly question to ask a foolish human, quite a match ya?)

Your natural way of talking just basically shows the intent & the way you've been taking my trust as. Your words, concerns & actions, was it all your natural way of talking as well? By forced courtesy? My thoughts here, it should be entertaining for you. I thank you but I'm not flattered. It might be so because I'm the girl with a blog. Oooh let's see what she blogs about me. Be amused, drama's here. Another thing is, you know how terribly serious I take what people see about what I draw. I don't need to reiterate how sadden I am. My effort & happiness just seems like an entire joke for real now, by just how natural the way you talk. My trust for naught.

In the end, you're not entirely to blame for. It is I who failed to take things with an open mind. Though as I said, I am willing to listen as long you're willing to tell. And I'd take your word for it. I am a simple-minded person afterall. I don't enjoy the act of poking questions. I don't enjoy the feeling of not knowing. I don't enjoy the act of suspicion. I am a person who've been cheated once for my 'simple-minded ness'. Therefore I am paranoid at times. Cheated twice, I am a fool myself. INDEED I AM YES? I smile at my own naivety.

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Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Is it hello, or just goodbye.

His thoughts, humour, ideas, initiatives, appreciation, manners- it's his presence alone which I adored. He noticed, cared, corrected, taught, inspires, entertains. Of course, there are several bad traits, but that's not my point. In the end, I wasn't anything special, & wasn't expecting anything much. I still remember the book bugs came crawling out when he showed me his DIY journal. I was amazed at the amount of photos, drawings & writings, and a tiny bit disgusted at the same time. Yes, I am reminiscing about my last crush, which I'd known almost 4 years ago. Hardly anyone knows, except a few. Nothing surprising. What happened? Well we barely contact as time goes. Period.

Why the sudden classical plug? Uhm...

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Thursday, June 11, 2009

So I kept ignoring the fact that..

It is hard to put up a smile while it bleeds inside. But I have to.

I needed company, even though it might not ease anything. I thank you, and sorry for being selfish. Anything to numb this ache..

Guess I'm tired.

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Monday, June 01, 2009

Some quotes, some rants, some movies.

"It is better to know and be disappointed, than to not know and always wonder."
I'm always wondering.

"Life is the art of drawing without an eraser.
The feeling of wanting to erase a wrong ugly stroke while there's no eraser or ctrl+z available; THE HORROR. OkIgetitperfectly.

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

Yours truly is bored. Because Raidou 2 finally decided not to load on her crappy PS2 for good. I've been feeling the lack of enthusiasm at work lately. It hasn't been a year yet and I'm feeling plain b o r e d at what I'm doing. There's been times I thought of the possibility of returning to the animation field, for the sake of doing something different once in awhile. I do miss the Animasians, everyone shares the same interests & lotsa team efforts & friendliness T_T You won't find that kind of colleagues & environment else where. NOPE. But then again, everything has its ups and mostly downs. Or maybe I just need a vacation; Somewhere by a beach so I can sulk all I want..~

Another thing to add into my depression is the guilt lingering in me. I'm probably the most selfish, unpredictable, mean, nonsensicle person anyone should meet or know. Someone might understand what I meant since I love popping up stupid questions/assumptions randomly & give you a hard time just because I feel insecure (I apologise again for those past & future moments lol). I know it can't be helped, and if I do, it'll only make matters worst? I don't know. I'm not in a clear & steady mind now to make a proper judgment. Very often I wish someone or a divine conscience could appear and just tell me what's right & what's wrong, BUT that would only defeats the purpose of living a life. Someone out there, I'm SORRY. I just want to relax & feel free, not be stressed or uncomfortable at the same time. And I realised by my attempt of doing so, I'd caused trouble/uneasiness to other people as well. NOW I SOUND PREACHY OH GAWD I SHALL STOP ALREADY. Anyone who read this whole paragraph, you're sick lol you deserve no prize *gets stoned to death*

Terminator: Salvation brief thoughts:
• There's NOT ENOUGH TERMINATORS (humanoid types) walking about. Skynet HQ is a good sad example.
• I enjoyed the giant robot blasting every escaping vehicles :D And the two bikes ejected from its legs. Cool.
• Christian Bale
• Helena Bonham Carter is a surprise for me.
I liked her from her role as Bellatrix (Harry Potter) & Mrs. Lovett (Sweeney Todd).
• Marcus stepping on a landmine is a sad outcome. Poor Marcus. That's for following a hungry babe through a field of landmines when she said it's okay to :D
• John Conner's wife looks younger than she was in Terminator 3
(no offense to Claire Danes fans).
• Overall it's OK. I miss Arnold.

Milk brief thoughts:
• I didn't know it'd be related to the history of Castro Street in San Francisco.
• I didn't know there's James Franco
• Sean Penn is brilliant.
• I like modern films that depicts the 70's (another is Zodiac).
• Watching this with mom is like watching a comedy. Sigh.
• I have not much thoughts, but it left a good impression. And I love movies that does that.

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Sunday, May 31, 2009


Without this talent, though amateur & seemingly unimportant; I'd think my life is less meaningful. I'm just blabbing.

Some web pimpage:
IKEA Go Clean Your Room Contest
Prize: RM2000 vouchers - by submitting a photo or video of your room/store/kitchen and get your buddies & relatives to vote like crazy.

IKEA Love the Earth
As the title says.

Star Wars I Like
A die-hard Star Wars fan's blog about reviews on Star Wars collectable figurines, models, shops, etc. And it's catered almost daily and comprehensively (with photos).

At times I felt I misunderstood the whole agenda. I was naive. I am a pessimist in this subject. In the end, I'm a serious & sensitive person. People's actions means a lot to me. I can't deny that fact no matter how silly or ignorant I acted. And with doubt comes paranoia. Conclusion, I think it's time I should back away and just take it all as a big joke before I make a fool of myself further. I apologise for any offense or mistakes.

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Thursday, May 21, 2009

And she sighs. And sighs. And sighs....

I wasn't even sure if this should be depressing or pleasant..... If there's no way to cry, why not just improvise it. Of course, this is illogical. Sigh.

Star Trek. Kinda super brief thoughts:
• Zachary Quinto FTW! ♥
• Spock and Uhura is like a big question mark. What the hell.
• Kirk actor (sorry I forgot who's the actor) has very pretty eyes.
• Skinny girls is unattractive. Really.
• Young Kirk speeding with the car and ended up at the end of a cliff is like a big waste of film time. Why didn't they just save it for the deleted scenes..
• I like the death scenes. Especially the part the Romulan guy got blasted upwards at the driller thing, and the red suit guy who got instantly roasted at the bottom of the driller. Aww...
• Ah.. I thought the enemy would have a bigger or more complex agenda.....
• Overall it's a OK for me.
- end -

I wanna go for Angels & Demons.
I want a short vacation. August is just too far away.
Someone, yes you have a point I should've agreed to go with you for the concert in Singapore this weekend. But nothing can be done now except me emoing over a wasted opportunity to go for a vacation, which I badly need now... CEH. AS IF YOU WOULD GO. Tipu la.

Sighs. Listens to sad piano scores.
I want a mc for tomorrow.... *mumbles*

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Sunday, July 29, 2007

Keyframe work

My dear almost-dead-blog,

Recently, I am.....
- tired of working on Saturdays, fulltime.
- drained & depressed.
- afraid I couldn't handle doing keyframe in time.

I want to.....
- go on a vacation again (even Genting is fine..)
- watch Transformers for the 3rd time.
- start having more greens than meat.
- finish my FFXII.
- draw.

I want.....
- that Gabranth figurine!! (a.k.a. FFXII: 'The Judge' Play Arts figurine, to be exact) T__T
- a pay raise!
- a new laptop/desktop with higher RAM + DVDRW-ROM.
- a new *cough* single *cough* bishie *cough* collegue sit next to me at work, which will never happen anyways OTL

I began doing keyframe animation about 2 weeks ago by now. I'd to admit, it's more stressful (mostly 'cos of the '30+ files in 7 days' deadline) but somehow it's more fun than doing clean-ups eventually. I don't know HOW my fellow keyframe mates manage to handle that amount of files within that timeframe @_@ Or perhaps I need to speed up my drawing. Sigh. I'm STILL a keyframe newbie, you tards~! >A<*

Another sad thing about work is that 3 collegues are leaving next month, including the one currently sitting next to me. It's kinda ironic when:
- the one who sat next to me (right side) before this guy left last month.
- the one who sat next to me (left side) left the middle of this month (this one's a good news though, for some reason).
- the one who is sitting next to me (right side) now is leaving early next month.
(hey, am I that scary?) ;___;

And again, I'm still a keyframe newbie, you tards! Who's gonna mentor me when the dude next to me leaves?! D:< * is grumpy & illogical*

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Tuesday, July 03, 2007

This is how a malfunctioning brain works

It's that kind of moment again, where my mind wanders off thinking about L I F E . Nothing deep basically (how complicated can my mind go anyway..) , just a feeling of being pathetic and miserable.. and booooorrrreeeeddd........ *yawns* So don't read ahead of this post 'cos it's full of nonsense >8D

My RMIT application only got exempted for 3 subjects, which means I'd still have to do 3 years degree if I'm to go for it next year. While I could only manage to afford for 2 years' overseas study + living expenses... OTL *sigh #1*

I basically can't seem to draw anything decent out lately (or ever since I started WORK..?) Despite I've joined the art group in my office for this year's CF, and also there's the company artbook's submission, & also YUE doujin's submissions as well.. And it's already JULY!!! (which's just 4-5 months left to work on submissions!) ... OTL *sigh #2*

I think I need new friends. Or is work making everyone apart and distanced from each other? =_= *sigh #3*

Or even a boyfriend or a girlfriend (heck, I wouldn't mind to be honest) Matchmake anyone?? .................... WHAT AM I THINKING?!?!?!?!??! >O<;;; OTL *sigh #4* I felt like I'm being ignored too. Am I being too friendly or too scary/cold or et cetera... But then again, maybe I'm just plain bored -> sensitive =_= The ironic part is, the attention that I wasn't seeking/expecting eventually comes to me from time to time.. while the attention that I wanted NEVER came. YEY..~ *sigh #5*

Lunch time they were talking about who're the guys in the office now might suit me (why did I ever tell them that I'm blerdy single..??? ARGH) =A=;
Hey, I DO wish there's one (it helps build up motivation at least) BUT, unfortunately there's NONE. NONE NONE NONE.. OTL *sigh #6*

I shall stop & go to sleep now *crawls to bed*

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